Navigating the Holidays: Intimacy, Stress, and Staying Connected

Thoughts from Caitlin Bovard, an online sex therapist who knows this season can be… a lot

The holidays promise cozy lights, warm drinks, and maybe one too many peppermint flavored things. But for a lot of people, this season also brings stress, busy schedules, family tension, and the classic “why did I agree to six different potlucks” moment.

And during all this chaos, intimacy can start feeling like one more thing on the to do list. If you have noticed feeling disconnected from your partner, experiencing less desire, or just feeling overwhelmed, you are in good company. As a therapist who provides Colorado online therapy with a focus on sex therapy, neurodivergent support, and LGBTQ+ affirming care, I see this every year.

Let’s look at why the holidays can feel so intense and how you can stay connected in the middle of it all.

Why the Holidays Can Be Tough on Intimacy

1. The stress meter hits max

Travel, planning, gifting, cooking, cleaning, trying to find parking at a crowded mall, and pretending you are not stressed at all. Your body is just trying to keep up. When your stress levels spike, your desire often dips. It is a very normal nervous system reaction, not a relationship failure.

2. Routines become a distant memory

Holidays love to mess with your daily rhythm. Sleep schedules get weird. Privacy gets limited. You might be staying with relatives who think knocking is optional. Or the parent who loudly bangs around obscenely late, or early, in the morning. All of this makes it hard to find moments of connection. When your routine is off, intimacy becomes harder to access, especially if you are put in a child's room as a guest room (bonus points for a car-shaped bed here topping the chart of all things unsexy).

3. Family dynamics come with their own… energy

Even the loveliest families can stir up old emotions. And if you are single, LGBTQ+ or in a relationship structure your family does not fully understand, the tension can be even more pronounced. You might feel like you are switching between different versions of yourself, which can be draining and impact closeness with your partner. Emotionally immature parents are also something I hear about frequently in my practice, and I find myself referring to Lindsay Gibson's books on the topics especially around the holidays ("Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents" is the first title in the series and you can find a quiz free online if you look!).

4. Estrangement is more common than people admit

Not everyone has a Hallmark style family gathering waiting for them. Some people are estranged from parents or siblings. Some have chosen distance to protect their mental health. Others might feel pressure to reconnect even when it does not feel safe. Estrangement can bring up grief, guilt, relief, confusion, or all of those feelings in a rotating cycle. There is nothing wrong with protecting your well being.

5. Daylight savings attacks your circadian rhythm

If you are neurodivergent, you already know that daylight savings is basically the Hunger Games of time changes. Your sleep schedule finally feels okay and suddenly the sun clocks out at 4:30 pm. This shift can affect mood, energy, libido, and your sense of connection. ADHD and AuDHD brains in particular do not appreciate sudden changes to structure, especially when the structure was already (let's be real) hanging by a thread.

6. Seasonal shifts and sensory overwhelm

Short days, cold weather, bright lights, noisy gatherings, scratchy sweaters. People who are neurodivergent, LGBTQ+, or highly sensitive may feel overloaded faster than their friends or family. Sensory overwhelm is very real and has a direct impact on emotional and sexual intimacy.

How To Stay Connected During The Holidays

1. Protect your downtime like it is sacred

You need rest in order to feel connected. If your calendar is packed, you are allowed to say no, which is a complete sentence. You are also allowed to leave events early. You can blame your therapist. Or your dog. Or your “deep personal commitment to pajamas.”

2. Communicate like it is your secret holiday superpower

A daily check in takes less than a minute and can shift everything. Try something like“How is your body feeling today?”“What would make today easier for you?”“What should we avoid this week for the sake of peace and sanity?”

Honest, gentle communication is intimacy and you can try these on by yourself or with a partner if it feels promising.

3. Make small moments meaningful

You do not need a romantic, candlelit holiday getaway, especially since gift buying in this economy is not cheap. Try things like:

• Snuggling for three minutes before getting out of bed

• Holding hands while waiting in line for cocoa or in the grocery store while hunting for the last bag of marshmallows

• Sneaking a quick kiss or hug before a family gathering

• Taking a quiet walk to breathe for five minutes

• Sharing a laugh in the car about that one relative

These tiny things help regulate your nervous system and strengthen connection.

4. Let sexual intimacy take a softer shape

If sex looks different this season, that is okay. You can focus on pleasure without pressure, closeness without performance, and communication without expectations. Intimacy can be slow, simple, playful, or whatever feels comfortable for your neurotype and your energy levels.

5. Set boundaries that keep you emotionally safe

Boundaries are a form of love. You can say no to gatherings, no to certain topics, and yes to choosing your mental health. This is especially important if you are LGBTQ+, navigating estrangement, or managing ADHD or another neurodivergent experience. Boundaries help your relationships survive the holidays intact.

When Support Can Be Helpful

If communication feels strained, if desire differences are creating tension, if ADHD or neurodivergence is affecting intimacy, or if this holiday season is stirring up more than you expected, therapy can help.

I offer Colorado online therapy that supports:

• Sex therapy for individuals, couples, and partners in nontraditional relationships

• ADHD informed relationship support

• LGBTQ+ affirming care

• Help navigating estrangement and family boundaries

• Desire differences and intimacy concerns

• Stress and anxiety during the holiday season

• Trauma informed care that moves at your pace

Online sessions allow you to get support without adding more stress to your schedule.

A Final Thought

The holidays can be wonderful and complicated at the same time. If intimacy feels harder right now, you are not alone. You are human. You are navigating a season that challenges sleep schedules, emotional bandwidth, sensory limits, and pretty much everything else while being told it's the "most magical time of the year."

You deserve ease, connection, and support. If you are considering Colorado online therapy, I am here and happy to help you move through this season with clarity and compassion.

Book a free phone consultation today.

You deserve to feel peaceful in your relationships, your body, and your mind.

Just a heads up: This blog is for informational purposes only and isn’t meant to be taken as medical or mental health advice or treatment. Always talk with a licensed provider about your specific situation and reach out to emergency services if in crisis.