"Heated Intimacy": Why Heated Rivalry Feels So Powerful and Refreshing, A Colorado Sex Therapist’s First and Lasting Impressions

By Caitlin Bovard, LPC, Certified Couples Therapist, Dual-Certified Sex Therapist (AASECT CST)

Warning: Some spoilers for the show as this blog discusses the show as a whole.

It’s not just me, right? (iykyk)

The world, and my brain, seems to have been taken over by sensual storm by the utterly captivating characters, world, and story of Heated Rivalry, one book in the six-book Game Changers series by Rachel Reid. While it may be less novel for MM romance connoisseurs, Heated Rivalry felt to me like something completely different, fresh, and honestly lives completely rent-free in my head (in this economy!).

In other words, no, I have not left the cottage.

I initially assumed the show was fairly niche until I found myself for the first time in my life listening to an actual hockey podcast hosted by straight men discussing it, despite learning, for example, what a "hat trick" is from the show. I also saw how completely pervasive “Hudcon” has become, referring to the actors Hudson Williams and Connor Storrie who play the main characters, Shane and Ilya.

As a sex therapist, I found myself wanting to talk about it professionally, even while acknowledging something important. I do not share the lived experience of a closeted gay or bi man. My perspective is therefore one of a queer therapist observing powerful relationship dynamics, not someone claiming authority over that experience.

Why the “Gay Hockey Show” Narrative Misses the Point

It angers/saddens me for a few reasons that the gist I got going into the show was that it was a “gay hockey show” with “lots of sex scenes.”

First, if you have seen some of my previous blog and thoughts on bi erasure and biphobia, you can probably guess that it is disappointing that the discourse still refers to it as “the gay hockey show” or “gay hockey players.” Recently the author of the series, Rachel Reid, posted on social media wearing a t-shirt that referred to her gay hockey romance. Disappointing because Ilya is not gay, he is bisexual.

This may also be an example of the biphobia Hudson Williams and Francois Arnaud referenced in a recent viral story on social media, though that is my interpretation rather than a confirmed statement from them.

Second, yes there are sex scenes. However, I was surprised by how much less graphic and wholly non-gratuitous they were than something like Game of Thrones. If we are being honest, many of those scenes in Game of Thrones were not really sex scenes anyway, since rape and coercion are not the same as sex. There is only one quick “dick pic” moment in Heated Rivalry, which makes the series as a whole way less explicit than some single episodes of Game of Thrones.

What many people on social media have said, though, is that the sex scenes are “hotter than gay porn.” As a sex therapist, that actually makes perfect sense to me.

Intimacy and tenderness can be far more vulnerable than sexual acts themselves. Mainstream porn often stops at the act, while erotic storytelling sometimes goes deeper into longing, meaning making, emotional exposure, and connection. These are also all topics I love to help clients process and explore in my work.

The Emotional Depth of Heated Rivalry

Once I let go of my initial assumptions, I was able to immerse myself in the world of Heated Rivalry. My expectations were exceeded tenfold.

I felt deep admiration for the main characters and was struck by how nuanced they are. Many of the portrayals avoid stereotypes and instead explore complicated emotional realities.

The story includes:

• A bisexual man navigating biphobia and bi erasure, both internal and interpersonal

• Male platonic friendship that feels genuine, particularly between Hayden and Shane

• A Russian born character caught between cultures

• Honest discussions about coming out in a brutally homophobic professional sports environment

• Mental health conversations that deepen significantly in The Long Game

• A portrayal of how long term romantic relationships often build through sexual intimacy, rather than traditional courtship

• Power exchange with two equally empowered, engaged partners with the sexiest approach to consent and physical safety (hello, condom jokes? Be still my heart!)

• An autistic man (Shane) that isn't portrayed in a stereotypical or tokenized way.

  
  

There are layers upon layers in this story. The characters are flawed, complicated, and deeply human.

The Sex Scenes Are About Way More Than Sex

And then there are the sex scenes.

They may not always show explicit kink negotiation or educational details about the use of lube (as the rectum is not self-lubricating) or preparing for anal sex in the way I personally wish media would normalize. However, they are still breathtaking and these gripes are not with the show, but rather the overarching lack of this in places like comprehensive sex education.

What stands out to me are the emotional dynamics surrounding sex:

• control and surrender without abuse or submission shown as weakness

• emotional safety

• physical trust

• layers of consent, especially over time

• longing and vulnerability (eventually...)

  
  

I could quite literally talk about these dynamics for hours.

What feels groundbreaking to me is how the show portrays two men who struggle to communicate openly for many reasons including shame, internalized queerphobia, language differences, cultural barriers, and neurodivergence.

Despite these barriers, they discover a radically honest connection through desire and pleasure.

Watching Two Imperfect People Learn Intimacy

As viewers, we get the privilege of watching two imperfect people explore what they initially believe is a casual connection.

They make mistakes.

They get scared.

They need space, often at different times.

Sometimes they lash out.

Sometimes they simply miss each other emotionally or timing wise.

From the audience perspective, we can often see that the relationship was never actually casual. At the same time, we understand why both characters cling to that narrative while their brains slowly catch up to what their bodies and hearts already know.

We see harm happen through:

• ghosting (not replying to texts)

• dismissing ("It's simple for me")

• stonewalling (leaving or taking breaks from the relationship or communication without letting the other know)

• harsh comments (Ilya taunting Shane when he comes out as gay)

• indirect communication that's usually missed or misinterpreted by autistic Shane (From touching Shane's hand in the gym to Episode 4:"I like women, but I also like you")

We also see repair, which is just as important.

One example is when Shane apologizes (twice) for leaving abruptly during the “Tuna Meltdown” (episode 4). We could have definitely seen more from Ilya on this, to be fair.

Watching these moments unfold feels deeply human.

Submission, Control, and Empowered Surrender

One dynamic that fascinates me in Heated Rivalry involves Shane’s relationship to control.

In most areas of his life, Shane appears extremely controlled and disciplined. As an elite athlete, his day to day life is built around routine, predictability, and structure. Practices, travel, training schedules, media expectations, and public scrutiny all require him to manage himself carefully.

Shane has been confirmed by Rachel Reid and Hudson Williams as being autistic, which adds another layer to how his behavior might be understood. Many autistic people develop strategies to navigate environments that expect quick emotional interpretation and flexible social signaling. One common strategy is masking, where a person consciously manages their behavior in order to meet social expectations.

Shane often presents as composed, measured, and emotionally restrained. That level of composure may partly reflect the demands of professional sports, but it could also represent the effort of constantly managing how he appears to others. Maintaining that level of control can be exhausting. Within the privacy of his sexual relationship with Ilya, we see something different happen. Shane allows himself to step out of that controlled role and experience moments of intentional surrender. This is not passive or disempowered submission. Instead, it is a form of active, chosen vulnerability.

In well negotiated sexual dynamics, power exchange can actually create a kind of structure that feels safe. There are clear expectations, defined roles, and explicit communication about boundaries and desires. For someone who spends much of their life managing uncertainty or masking socially, this type of structure can be deeply grounding.

When Shane allows Ilya to direct or command him within a safer and more intentional context, it may offer relief from the constant effort of maintaining control. Rather than monitoring every detail of the interaction, he can focus on sensation, connection, and trust.

What makes these moments powerful is that Shane’s surrender is not about giving up agency. It is about choosing a different kind of control, one where he allows himself to be seen, supported, and guided by someone he trusts. He also appears to engage in mimicry of Ilya during oral sex, which may be a combination of autistic masking and an erotic interest of eagerness to please Ilya, who is also a much more experienced sexual partner than him in almost every way.

In that sense, his submission becomes another way the story explores intimacy, safety, experimenting, and ultimately the courage it takes to let someone truly know you.

What Shane and Ilya Show Us About Worthiness

There are millions of possible takeaways from this story, especially if you have read the books or watched the show multiple times. One that stands out to me is that Shane and Ilya are relatable to anyone who has struggled to feel worthy of love.

Both characters at times deny themselves joy and connection because of fear, shame, or internalized beliefs.

At the same time, they are also aspirational. They show the kind of bravery it sometimes takes to allow yourself to want something deeply, even when it does not make logical sense or align neatly with the life you have built or even need to cling to.

Why Heated Rivalry Feels So Universal

I believe Heated Rivalry resonates with such a wide audience because it explores themes that are fundamentally human.

It is about:

• longing

• fear of vulnerability

• identity

• trust building

• learning how to receive and give love

• sex, intimacy and emotional care

  
  

These themes extend far beyond hockey or even beyond queer romance.

What Heated Rivalry Teaches Us About Relationships

As a couples and individual sex therapist in Colorado, one of the things that strikes me most is how accurately the story captures the complexity of intimacy.

Many clients I work with struggle with questions like:

• How do I/we communicate when vulnerability feels scary?

• How do I/we repair after conflict or distance?

• How do I/we balance independence and closeness?

• How do sexual dynamics intersect with emotional safety?

  
  

Stories like Heated Rivalry resonate because they show that relationships are messy, imperfect, and deeply meaningful at the same time.If you are someone who sees pieces of your own relationship struggles in these dynamics, you are not alone. Working with a sex therapist or couples therapist can help people explore intimacy, communication, and desire in a safe and supportive space.

If you are located in Colorado, I offer therapy for individuals and couples who want to better understand their relationships, sexuality, and emotional connection.

This Is Just the Beginning of the Series

This blog is the first in what will likely become a longer series exploring the psychology of Heated Rivalry from a strengths-based, relational lens.

Next week, I will put on my more therapist focused hat and dive into “Heated Attachment.” I will explore how attachment styles show up between Shane and Ilya, including my completely hypothetical thoughts on how Shane’s autism and Ilya’s cultural and familial trauma might shape their relationship.

After that, I plan to write about “Heated Queerness.” This post will expand on bisexuality, bi erasure, and some of the more complicated dynamics within the fandom itself.

Later in the series, I will explore what feels so universal about Heated Rivalry and why I believe it goes far beyond “queer hockey smut” in what we shall call "Heated Universality."

From my perspective as a sex therapist in Colorado, it is one of the most nuanced portrayals of intimacy and emotional connection currently (and in history) on television.

Want Me to Analyze Another Heated Rivalry Topic?

If there is a specific theme or dynamic you would like me to explore in a future post about Heated Rivalry, I would love to hear from you.

You can email me at caitlin@coloradosextherapy.com or leave a comment below and I will see what I can do.

Ready to work with a therapist who gets it without having to educate? Learn more about my online therapy services for LGBTQ+ folks here and book a free consultation with me, a Colorado-licensed sex therapist specializing in queer-affirming therapy today.

Just a heads up: This blog is for informational purposes only and isn’t meant to be taken as medical or mental health advice. Always talk with a licensed provider about your specific situation.