What Do Sex Therapists Help With? (Hint: It’s Not Just Sex)

By Caitlin Bovard, LPC, CST: sex therapy specialist for queer, neurodivergent-knowledgeable online therapy for adults, couples and relationships in Colorado

If you’ve already found your way here, chances are you’ve asked yourself some version of this question:

"What does a sex therapist actually help with?”

or maybe: “Is my issue even ‘big enough’ for sex therapy?”

Short answer: Sex therapists help with a lot more than people think, and not just when something is “broken” or in crisis.

Smol-Medium answer: Sex therapy helps with the emotional, relational, psychological, and practical aspects of sex and intimacy. It’s not about teaching positions or giving you a script for a “perfect” sex life. It’s about helping you understand your sexual system and how it’s shaped by stress, relationships, culture, trauma, identity, health, and pleasure in its many forms.

Bonus: if you missed my last blog post, "What is Sex Therapy?" you can check it out here!

A Sex Therapist Helps With Sexual Concerns (Yes, Including the Common Ones)

Many people seek sex therapy because something feels off, missing, triggering, frustrating, painful or confusing in their sexual life. A sex therapist commonly helps with:

• Low desire or desire discrepancies between partners

• Difficulty with arousal, erections, lubrication, or orgasm

• Pain during sex or anxiety around penetration

• Performance pressure or fear of “doing it wrong”

• Sexual avoidance, shutdown, or numbness

• Feeling disconnected from pleasure or your body

Importantly, these concerns are rarely just physical or just mental. Sex therapy looks at how your nervous system, values, identity stress levels, relationship dynamics, and lived experiences interact, because the intersection of (or conflict between) these pieces is usually where folks get stuck.

A Sex Therapist Helps With Intimacy and Relationship Issues

Sex therapy isn’t only about sex acts. It’s also about connection.

People often come to sex therapy when:

• Sex feels loaded, transactional, or tense

• Emotional closeness has faded or never fully developed

• Communication about sex feels awkward, shut down, or explosive

• One partner wants “more” or “less,” and neither knows how to bridge the gap

A sex therapist helps partners slow things down, understand each other’s experiences, and build intimacy that feels mutual: not pressured or performative.

And yes, sex therapy can help even if you’re not in a relationship.

A Sex Therapist Helps With Shame, Anxiety, and Sexual Self-Image

One of the most underestimated roles of a sex therapist is helping people untangle sexual shame.

This might include:

• Feeling “behind,” broken, or abnormal

• Internalized messages from religion, culture, or media

• Anxiety about bodies, genitals, aging, or desirability

• Fear of being judged for wants, limits, or curiosity

• Fear of wanting too much, too little or a certain kind of erotic activity

Sex therapy helps normalize your experience while also making space for growth. The goal isn’t to convince you that you should want something, it’s to help you feel more at home in yourself and help you navigate what (if anything) you want to do about it.

A Sex Therapist Helps With Trauma and Nervous System Safety

Sex therapy is often part of healing from:

• Sexual trauma or boundary violations

• Medical trauma related to exams, childbirth, or procedures

• Chronic stress that impacts desire or arousal

This work is slow, consent-based, and deeply respectful of your pacing. A sex therapist helps you rebuild trust with your body and your boundaries, without pushing you toward sexual activity before you’re ready.

A Sex Therapist Helps With Identity, Orientation, and Life Transitions

Sex therapists also help clients explore and integrate:

• Sexual orientation or gender identity

• Kink, non-monogamy, or other non-traditional relationship structures

• Postpartum changes, menopause, illness, or aging

• Neurodivergence, sensory differences, or chronic pain

  
  

Sometimes clients come to sex therapy not because something is “wrong” or they need help with the above areas, but because they want a therapist who gets it, without needing to be educated, defended, or justified. An example of this would be: a client comes in wanting to talk about work-life balance and relationships, and wants a therapist who won't blink or falter when you mention your spouse and a different partner. Sure, some clients want help with navigating non-monogamy and that can be the focus. Some clients benefit from something very different: I don't make anything a bigger deal than than the client does, I don't assume non-monogamy (or queerness or kinkiness) is problematic unless expressly stated and I don't view non-monogamy as better, worse or "weird" compared to other relationship structures.

What a Sex Therapist Actually Does in Session

If you’re imagining explicit demonstrations or ethically-questionable role-play: NOPE!

Sex therapy is talk therapy. Sometimes reflective, sometimes practical. Sessions may include:

• Exploring patterns and beliefs around sex

• Learning how desire, arousal, and pleasure actually work

• Improving communication and consent skills

• Offering optional, evidence-based exercises to try outside of session

Nothing sexual happens in session, and you are never required to do “homework.” The work adapts to your capacity, nervous system, and real life.

Is Sex Therapy Only for “Serious” Problems?

Absolutely not.

Sex therapy helps people who want:

• More ease and less pressure around sex

• A deeper connection with themselves or a partner

• More curiosity, playfulness, or pleasure

• To stop feeling like sex is a performance they’re failing

• A time on the calendar carved out to dedicate focusing on you, your relationship

You don’t need a crisis to benefit from sex therapy. Wanting more understanding, comfort, or joy is reason enough.

Online Sex Therapy in Colorado

I offer online sex therapy throughout Colorado, allowing clients to access specialized care from their own space. Many people find virtual sessions feel safer, more private, and easier to integrate into real life.

If you’re wondering whether sex therapy could help with your specific concerns, that’s exactly what a free consultation is for.

Ready to Learn More?

You don’t need to know exactly what’s “wrong” to reach out. If sex feels confusing, stressful, disconnected, or simply not as good as you’d like it to be, support is available.

I provide inclusive, sex-positive online sex therapy for individuals and couples in Colorado.

 You can learn more about my approach to sex therapy, explore services and pricing, or schedule a free online consultation to see if working together feels right. When you’re ready, support is here.

Snag your free consultation today and start the conversation.

Just a heads up: This blog is for informational purposes only and isn’t meant to be taken as medical or mental health advice or treatment. Always talk with a licensed provider about your specific situation and reach out to emergency services if in crisis.