What is Sex Positivity? What It Means to Be Sex-Positive, Especially for LGBTQ+ and ADHDers

By Caitlin Bovard, LPC, Certified Couples Therapist, Dual-Certified Sex Therapist (AASECT CST) offering online sex therapy for individuals, couples and partners in Colorado

Credit: Cottonbro Studios on Pexels.com

Welcome to a Braver, Kinder, More Sexually Empowered You

If you’ve ever felt confused, ashamed, or unsure about your sexuality or desires, you’re not alone. Many people grow up receiving mixed messages about sex, pleasure, relationships, and what’s “normal.” That’s where a sex-positive approach comes in.

At its core, sex-positive therapy offers a safe, nonjudgmental space to explore your sexuality, heal from shame, and get clearer on what intimacy means to you. Whether you're working through challenges or simply want a deeper understanding of yourself, online sex therapy can meet you where you are, literally and emotionally.

At its heart, sex therapy isn’t just about sex. It’s about connection: with yourself, with others, and with your most authentic desires. If you’re exploring online sex therapy in Colorado, you might be wondering: What does “sex-positive” even mean? And why does it matter, especially if I’m neurodivergent or part of the LGBTQ+ community?

What Does It Mean to Be Sex-Positive?

Being sex-positive doesn’t mean having lots of sex necessarily (but maybe for you it does, and that's great too!). It simply means being open to talking about sexuality in a respectful, curious, and shame-free way. It recognizes that sexual expression is deeply personal, and that there’s no one “right” way to experience intimacy or pleasure.

Sex-positive therapy supports:

• Consent and healthy boundaries, as defined by each individual

• Pleasure as a valid and important part of well-being

• Empowering the client(s) to decide what their risk tolerance is and what, if any, harm reduction is needed

• Acknowledgment of diverse sexual orientations, relationship styles, and identities

• Space to talk about shame, trauma, or confusion without judgment

In therapy, this might specifically look like:

• Exploring what intimacy and pleasure mean to you

• Untangling shame or discomfort from early messages about sex

• Unpacking or healing from early messages you received about sex

• Understanding your own boundaries and how to communicate them confidently

• Feeling less alone or "weird" about the way you experience desire or connection

Sex positivity is not about pushing any particular lifestyle or behavior. It's about giving you space to ask honest questions and make informed, empowered choices. It’s about creating more freedom and choice in your sexual and emotional life.

What does it look or feel like if a therapist is not sex-positive?

When a therapist isn’t sex-positive, it can feel like parts of you are invisible, or worse, pathologized. You might notice subtle judgment when you talk about your desires, relationship structure, kinks, or sexual orientation. This can be as quick as a raise of an eyebrow or a flash of a facial expression of disgust, concern or discomfort. You may feel misunderstood or like you have to censor yourself. Sometimes it looks like avoidance: either not asking about sex at all leaving you to bring it up or steering away from conversations about sex entirely, even when it's relevant.

Other times, it’s more overt: being told your fantasies are “unhealthy,” your identity is a “phase,” or that certain types of sex are inherently problematic. A therapist might be quick to tie kinks or relationship structures to trauma or childhood experiences, with an assumption pushed on you that being kinky or poly is merely a reaction despite research suggesting otherwise. This can reinforce shame, leave you feeling isolated, or make it harder to trust your own instincts. Sex-negative therapy, even unintentionally, can leave people stuck in confusion or guilt, wasting time in therapy defending or educating, rather than moving toward healing, empowerment, and self-understanding.

Why This Work Matters for LGBTQ+ Clients

If you identify as LGBTQ+, your relationship to sexuality may have been shaped by experiences of shame, secrecy, or not seeing yourself reflected in the world around you. Many queer and trans people grow up hearing that their desires or identities are wrong, which can create deep emotional wounds.

Sex-positive therapy is not neutral about your identity, it actively affirms it. Here’s how:

• We recognize the harm of heteronormative systems without you having to educate me

• We explore the impact of internalized shame without assuming your identity is the problem, including homophobia, biphobia, transphobia, queerphobia, whorephobia

• We support your journey in understanding desire, intimacy, and gender on your own terms

• We welcome nontraditional relationship models, including polyamory and kink

This is a space where you can show up fully: no code-switching, no hiding parts of who you are.

ADHD and Sexuality: What’s Often Missed

For folks with ADHD, sex and relationships can bring unique challenges. You may have been told you’re too intense, too distracted, too sensitive, or too much. These messages can show up in your intimate life in subtle or not-so-subtle ways.

Some common themes for ADHD clients include:

• Difficulty maintaining focus or staying present during intimacy

• Struggles with impulsivity or inhibition

• Rejection sensitivity and fear of being a burden

• Sensory differences that impact physical touch or pleasure

• Trouble initiating sex or staying in sync with a partner’s needs

In therapy, we work to understand how your brain works in the context of sex and relationships , not as something broken, but as something that might benefit from more understanding and creativity. We talk about tools, not rules. We look at what works for you. For a deeper dive on ADHD and Sex, you can find out more about ADHD sex therapy here and I have a 4-part series that starts with this blog post.

Online Sex Therapy with a Sex-Positive Therapist for Coloradans

Whether you’re in Denver, Fort Collins, Boulder, or in a rural part of the state, online therapy makes it possible to access high-quality care without having to leave home. All you need is a private space and a secure internet connection.

Through virtual sessions, we can explore questions around:

• Low or changing desire

• Sexual shame or confusion

• Relationship concerns or communication struggles

• Exploring gender or sexual identity

• Feeling disconnected from your body or needs

• Navigating kink, polyamory, or nontraditional relationship models

Sex therapy is not about labeling you or fixing you. It’s about giving you the space, resources, skills, and support to understand yourself better. To feel more empowered, connected, and free.

Ready to Take the Next Step?

You don’t have to keep carrying shame or confusion around sex and relationships. Whether you’re exploring your erotic identity, navigating neurodivergence, or simply wanting more from your intimate life, therapy can help.

If you’re a Coloradan looking for a compassionate, affirming space to talk about sex, I invite you to reach out. Let’s find out what healing, growth, and pleasure can look like for you.

Book a free phone consultation today.

You deserve to feel confident in your relationships, your body, and your mind.

Next week we'll build on this idea of sex-positivity with how each of us has an erotic template, and how erotic fantasy and real-life desire intersect but don't always overlap.

Just a heads up: This blog is for informational purposes only and isn’t meant to be taken as medical or mental health advice or treatment. Always talk with a licensed provider about your specific situation and reach out to emergency services if in crisis.